Stephen Yeargin

I believe that each of us is in constant struggle with tendencies that run counter to what civilized society says we should have. For the sake simplification, I will lump all of them together and call it “human nature.” It is human nature to horde what is yours without sharing, but for the sake of society we must be generous in our support of others. It is human nature that says we should always want more than we need to make sure that we can make it through tough times, while society says we should be thankful and grateful for what we have in life. Human nature also makes us want what others have, but it would be a chaotic world if it were not for the rule of law and self restraint.

Society, and often our religious faiths, teaches us to overcome our human nature because without the idea of generosity and a supportive community the world in which we live would be hard pressed to maintain order. Of course, there are always shades of gray in such clear-cut viewpoints. When a people struggle for freedom, some of these human tendencies are advantageous to possess. If you are content with what you have (oppression) then you will never strive for more (freedom). Finding a way to channel those inborn traits for a greater good is true mastery of your own human nature.

My wife (and a couple of pop stars) refers to this time in our lives as “the quarterlife crisis”. It is a time when you look at the world around you with a bit of disdain, look to others with envy, and want to hold on to everything you have, spurning charity and generosity. I can come clean and say I am certainly not immune to it. So what do I do? To settle a bit of this, the better question may be “what are your goals?”

(For this list, you will have to overlook my obvious selfish premise of “I want …” Call it a generational thing.)

I want development in my professional life.
I am in the process of getting a fairly heavy dose of this right now, but I always see it as an area for improvement. Now, this does not necessarily mean more pay or promotions. Development can come from improved knowledge or honed skills. I want to continue to enjoy the work that I do at a place that I spend about a third of my waking hours. A good portion of that responsibility lies with me.

I want development in my personal life.
Hobbies are the work you do for little or no pay. They are work because one spends time perfecting their abilities. The only payment one may receive for a hobby is that sense of fulfillment from a job well done. I wish finding a hobby was as easy as going to a store, because that sense of fulfillment always seems to allude me when I do what I consider hobbies. I really need new ones.

I still have a lot of work to do for researching graduate programs and finding one that will fit my schedule. I have a couple of days off this month, so at some point I will get serious about looking into it. It is starting to become clear that it is something I want to do.

I want to redefine family and community.
For almost two years now I have had what an outsider may call an “epic struggle” with my family of origin. To me, it is more of a diplomatic collapse ending in a whimper. To move past that, I have a desire to redefine what “family” means to me. My wife is obviously family. We consider many of our mutual friends like-family. When you strip away the sense of entitlement and obligation that comes with the word “family,” it becomes a rather pleasant concept.

I am still looking for that sense of community you find in close-knit groups that you encounter up through college. Our Sunday trek over to the east side for church services is the most promising opportunity lately. I have learned to have a bit of patience on this topic as well, because I know that it will be unmistakable when I find that sense of community that I seek.

I want to improve my surroundings.
This is a ridiculous title to encompass several different goals. The most trivial of which comes in the form of a portable device from Apple: the iPhone. It is trivial in the sense that our commercial culture has managed to convince me that the latest trendy gadget from Cupertino is exactly what I need to feel happy. My wife doubles as a financial planner, so I have been wearing her down for quite some time to get one. Still, I realize that the over-hyped mobile phone/PDA/music player is really just a foil for a much bigger desire to improve my surroundings.

More vitally than the iPhone, we need to make more inroads into becoming home owners. This is mostly a financial decision (paying rent is not the ideal option), but it will probably also help us feel a bit less out of place. Our cars are about to have a combined 300,000 miles on them (statistically tied at 147,000 apiece right now), so I may finally stop being the childless guy who voluntarily drives a minivan to work every day.

A final thought …
Going back to the original topic of human nature, envy is probably the most difficult to recognize and even more so to put back in its place. I have met people who are successful at their profession, have wonderful children and spouses, supportive extended families and have a very strong sense of inner peace. While envy rarely sees anything negative in that picture, you start to wonder what steps you can take to make your reality closer to the way you perceive theirs. I do have a good job and a wonderful wife, so now is the time to sort through what I should be grateful for having and what I should be striving to have.