Stephen Yeargin

It is really human nature to maintain a bit of pride in one’s work or status. We are taught from a young age to be proud of what we do, but to do so without discounting the works of others. I have witnessed first-hand growing up in a small rural town what happens when the second half of that equation is left off in your upbringing. I recall the little girl who proudly proclaimed what her father did for a living (in hindsight, nothing notable) and, as a result, the pool and cars they had and the clothes they were able to buy. She attracted quite a following, leaving the rest of us non-converts socially on the outside looking in.

That same phenomenon can be witnessed in your adult life, but with a bit more tact and subtlety. I believe that there are really three kinds of prideful people when it comes to their worldly possessions. There are those that seek acceptance based on what they can spend (“Come and see my 42″ plasma television in my big house. I will give you a ride in my new SUV to see it”). There are those who seek acceptance by how much they have saved or earned (“I will be able to retire at 45 thanks to my saving and smart investing. You should come over to my investment property and I can show you how I made my money”). The final category are those that are proud of how much they give away or provide (“My kid is driving a new SUV to high school. When the time for college at Big Time U comes, I am sending along a 42″ flat-screen television”).

Members of these three groups often have a desire to be seen as part of another. For example, the big spender may want to be seen as generous, or the generous may not want to seen as being taken advantage off. All want to be seen as wiser than a member of the other group and anyone who is “none of the above.”

As I said before, taking a bit of pride in what you do is not only healthy, but a necessary element to success. Being proud of one’s accomplishments often serves as the motivating factor to achieve even greater things. There is a point, however, at which pride becomes boasting for the sake of improving status. The arrogant usually find themselves with fewer and fewer in the audience for their grand showcases.

As for our own self-evaluation, my wife and I can share similar stories in our childhood and as young adults of someone trying to lord their status over us. It shaped us enough during our formative years that we find the idea of boasting a bit intolerable, particularly when the aim is to make another person feel inferior. We have a few nice possessions, but compared to what would seem socially expected (someone has spread a rumor that we should own a home, two new cars and vacation in some exotic location every summer), we live like Quakers. Our personal savings is enough for us to be proud of, but it certainly could not allow us to live up to the supposed social expectation. We are charitable when we can be, but it is not of an amount to merit filling out extra tax forms for a deduction.

And in all of this, I cannot recall an instance of ever trying to convince another person of our superiority in light of all of it. What does it achieve, even at the interpersonal political level? If the man with a nice car and big screen television uses it to create a following of friends, does he not realize that they are really just using him at some subconscious level for beer and food on game days? Then again, I suppose it is somehow a mutually beneficial relationship if not a truly fulfilling one.

I am really writing this in the hope that I am not nor do I become “that guy” — a person who needs to boast in order to have a sense of self-worth. It is not cool.