Sunday I was sitting in Nashville wondering how this weekend was going to play out. I was to head to Greenfield with my parents, learn what needed to be done on the house over there, and then spend a week or two with Samantha. A meeting on Monday changed the "week or two" factor to an extended stay, and the offer was made to come and get me. Sure enough, I'm sitting in Martin for what looks to be the duration of the summer. I suppose that hasn't really sunk in yet.
I'm happy. Being back in Martin opens up a few more doors for me to feel like I'm accomplishing something. I couldn't take or get part-time work in Nashville, because I would be leaving within a month to come back to Martin. At least here, if I track down a side-job, I can keep it for quite a while. My urge to find work, however, is dead. My only desire is to work on my parents' old house for a meager amount of cash (lunch money) until school starts. Spending time with my girlfriend is always a treat.
At the same time, I wasn't quite ready to leave yet. I don't know why or how to explain it, but my mind was comfortable feeling like a mental patient who every now and then got to go out into the world. For as much as I griped, you would think I was ready to start walking to Martin. I'm not excited to be here, and I know I should be. It's what I wanted, wasn't it? My parents were visibly disappointed I was heading out, both in words and in tone. That probably has a big role in my mood of late. I was supposed to help my dad with a database project, but even with the VPN connection, it doesn't look like I can keep that promise.
So, to try and find consolation between the two paragraphs above, being back in Martin hasn't made me happy, but being back with Samantha has. I am beginning to think that this place gives off an aura of dread and doom over the summer. The otherwise vibrant campus just seems so uneasy and forbidding without its 6,000 plus warm bodies.
In other less-emo crap, I signed up for a Gravatar today so my comments have a nice icon beside them. You should too.
I accidentally rolled up my installation of WordPress to an Alpha version of 1.6. A lot of great things on the horizon aesthetic wise, but I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm fond of the rather uncluttered look of the Admin page as it is now, although I have veered off that course a few times. I'm probably going to start work on a major redesign here soon to keep myself occupied.
I don't know what I want.